You know, as a teenager I keep changing my mind. (Ok, maybe it’s just me… Just…Go with it, ok?)
I change my mind about which T-Shirt is my favorite. I constantly have a different singer or music style I adore. I’ve switched from dream job to dream job more often than you can say “Quidditch”. (Anyone get the Harry Potter reference? 😛 ) I’ve repeatedly decided I want to stop with this blog only to write a new post 2 days later. My need for a best friend constantly varies. I have a gazillion cities I want to live in when I grow up.
Ok, I think you get my point. 🙂
Anyways I used to be terrified of change and all those changes, especially the ones concerning my future. They would freak me out and I would become all panicky and scared. I had to have a plan for the future!! I needed a strict set of steps I could follow and if I did everything accordingly all would be perfect in the end. Whenever this wasn’t the case, whenever there wasn’t a precise agenda I could lean on to, I felt like I was drifting aimlessly in the dark.
What I’m trying to say is, the more I glide toward my 18th birthday (5th April, presents are more than welcome 😉 😛 ❤ ) I realize everything falls into place on it’s own. Does that make any sense??
Here, let me give you an example: The dream job I had fix my mind on wasn’t making me happy and excited anymore, however I refused to budge from the path I had so carefully constructed. Then one day my mom brought home the box set of Grey’s Anatomy (of course I had to start watching immediately, the safety of the world depended on it) and as I watched all those doctors, intern, nurses and whatnot bustle around I felt my heart expand and I started to feel all light and happy. That was when I just knew that medicine was the right thing for me.
A similar thing happened with my dream home town. I knew I didn’t want to stay in Austria (even though it’s beautiful, the weather just depresses me too much) I desperately researched this town and that, countries in the north, countries in the south, big cities, small cities…. But whatever I found just didn’t seem right, you know?
Then a couple of weeks ago I was flipping through a magazine, I don’t remember why it was featured in there, but I came across an article about New Zealand. (I think it was something about having more sheep than humans…)
I felt the swelling in my heart again and now I know, I know (bold, italic and, underlined for extra emphases 😉 ) I want to at least try living in New Zealand. I can’t really explain it… Just this feeling. This deep satisfaction and… peace (?) as if I finally have at least a rough picture of where I belong.
Who knows, maybe I end up being a politician in Bratislava, but somehow I’m ok with that….
I’m finally not terrified of change anymore.
And here’s a cheesy quote to end this post juuuuust right 😉 :